you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
