I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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