Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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