he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
