Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
