take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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