he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize