dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
