her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
