Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
