You're my little dorito
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
