i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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