My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
