we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.