3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.