Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?