I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be