We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize