omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
