i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
