We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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