okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
