Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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