mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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