babies were throwing up all over the place
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
