Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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