Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Text me some of your sweat
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
