Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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