just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
