i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
MIDGETS
????
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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