If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
