nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
pray to the hookup gods
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
