Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
