I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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