i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
