i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
