I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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