What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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