well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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