She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
