Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
