Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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