Me too!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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