Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
