Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
