I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
