I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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