She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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