she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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