Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
