the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
