Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize