She's JV to your varsity
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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