That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
