Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
