We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
