I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
