Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
