he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
