We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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