Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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