jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
