Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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