therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
