TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
