If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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