remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize